Spain Day 5: Jerez

I realize today that I have eaten a lot of ham. I wake up and proclaim that I regret nothing and then fall back asleep until it is time for dinner. I wake up once more and proclaim myself the queen of Spanish culture because people have siesta here and I have just elevated the siesta from rejuvenating downtime to actual coma. 

By the time Dan and I go out, the sun is setting, and we are enjoying the relatively empty streets that will grow busier as the night grows longer. We do get to see our favorite residents of Jerez though, which are the multitude of dogs that roam around with their owners. 

Or no owners, whatever.

I think about how much better Spain is than home because dogs can just ramble around and do their own dog thing and it’s no big deal, and I think of how nice it would be for Likely, and then immediately think of how terrible it would be for me to continuously go to Spanish jail because my dog would round up all the local dogs and organize a crime ring where the dogs stole hams and also jewels and I’d have to explain to the police that I thought she had bought me all these diamonds and I can’t believe she betrayed me like this.

My Spanish is just not good enough to explain that they shouldn’t send me to jail, so I return to being thankful for leash laws in America. 

We have decided to return to the steak house, which is called Meson del Asador and is a traditional grill-type restaurant where they make very large plates of very large meats. Remembering our lessons from yesterday, I take the menu and tell Dan I will order us the perfect meal, and with my newfound knowledge of how to be an adult I select a salad item and also some vegetables, and also croquetas because it is important to always have those at every meal, and then instead of a plate of ham, I order other parts of the pig to eat, ignoring the part of the menu that says ‘para compartir’ and assume that just because it’s for sharing doesn’t mean it’s too much food.

Oh food

Plz stahp

FOOD STAHP

The food does not stop. The food continues. The food continues with portions that would make America weep in the knowledge that they are second-class when it comes to stuffing people until they die. We look around and see mostly families eating, and decide we probably should have enlisted seven more people to have shared this meal with us. But it is delicious and warms our bellies so we high-five for being really good at eating and wander out into the night with every intention of going home because we are so full that if we make any sudden movements it will be like the time they filled that whale with dynamite in the hopes of getting it cleanly off the beach but instead exploded whale guts everywhere and bits of whale were stuck to the beach for ages.

That is us, but if we exploded it will be completely whole pieces of Iberico ham.

So I get some ice cream.

Dan questions my choices. I tell him I am the queen of choices. 

That's El Queen of Choices to you.

He pats me on the head and rolls me back home and we go to bed to have probably very intense dreams of the ham overlords that now rule our lives.

Lessons Learned in Spain: 

     7.  Restaurants really want you to leave feeling full
     8.  I like ice cream