Interlude: Thoughts about Reindeer

Dan and I are in Pagosa Springs, CO, and it is covered in snow and Christmas lights, because apparently Colorado is the only place that observes Christmas as it is meant to be observed, which is to say all the way until January 6th.

As I have recently learned, the 12 Days of Christmas (a concept made popular by a song where a woman terrorizes her one true love by sending him increasingly horrifying gifts including geese which are the national bird of hell and then finally culminates her break with sanity by sending twelve men to leap into her one true love's home after twelve days of him trying to figure out if he has to pay taxes on the five golden rings) actually start ON Christmas. Then they go all the way to January 6th, the Epiphany, where the three kings showed up and showered Jesus with gifts.

Catholics know what I'm talking about.

So Pagosa Springs is still in the Christmas spirit, which means I am still thinking Christmas thoughts, and such thoughts are as follows:

Santa's reindeer were female. Male reindeer shed their antlers in the winter, and female reindeer do not. Also, there are too many feminine names for them to not be female. Dancer, Prancer, and Vixen are about as feminine as you get, and no one will convince me that back when they were coming up with Santa stories that they were comfortable with the idea of males and females working industriously alongside one another.

Which means that Rudolph wasn't an outcast because he was bad at stuff, he was an outcast because he was the only male reindeer. Which follows that his 'red nose' was probably actually his raging reindeer erection, and none of the other reindeer wanted to play with him because he didn't have a waistband to tuck it into so he could pretend it wasn't there.